The Bull Bible
Collected Gospel from the Church of Baseball
“I believe in the Church of Baseball. I've tried all the major religions, and most of the minor ones. I've worshipped Buddha, Allah, Brahma, Vishnu, Siva, trees, mushrooms, and Isadora Duncan. I know things. For instance, there are 108 beads in a Catholic rosary and there are 108 stitches in a baseball. When I learned that, I gave Jesus a chance.”
“But it just didn't work out between us. The Lord laid too much guilt on me. I prefer metaphysics to theology. You see, there's no guilt in baseball, and it's never boring.”
Church Schedule
The Gospel of Baseball
“The one constant through all the years has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It's been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt, and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game: it's a part of our past. It reminds us of all that once was good, and that could be again.”
The Sacred Numbers
- • 108 stitches in a baseball
- • 90 feet between bases
- • 60 feet, 6 inches from mound to plate
- • 9 innings of perfect symmetry
The Rituals
“The game begins in the spring, when everything else begins again, and it blossoms in the summer, filling the afternoons and evenings, and then as soon as the chill rains come, it stops and leaves you to face the fall alone.”
The Prophets
“You know what the difference between hitting .250 and .300 is? It's 25 hits. Twenty-five hits in 500 at-bats is 50 points, okay? There's six months in a season, that's about 25 weeks. That means if you get just one extra flare a week - just one - a gorp... you get a groundball, you get a groundball with eyes... you get a dying quail, just one more dying quail a week... and you're in Yankee Stadium.”
The Faithful
“The fans don't come out to see a bunch of jerks who don't care. They come out to see the players who care about the game. They come out to see the players who care about them.”
The Miracles
“Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, sometimes it rains. Think about that for a while.”
The Eternal Truth
“This is a very simple game. You throw the ball, you catch the ball, you hit the ball. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, sometimes it rains.”
The Sacred Texts
Book of Mangum Street 3:11
“And lo, he stood upon the sacred grass of center field, and covered all corners as if time were slowed to his will.”
Durhamite 2:9
“He swung upon the first pitch like a man late for the Bull McCabe's happy hour, and the ball disappeared into the dusk.”
East Main 4:17
“And the crack of the bat echoed off the brick of old tobacco, and the people cheered from their lawn chairs and plastic cups.”
Trinity 1:5
“Yea, though the slider came in humble, it did break wickedly, and the batter was cast into outer doubt.”
Book of Ninth Street 7:3
“He wore stirrups with pride and tape upon his wrists, and his walk-up song was pleasing in the ears of the faithful.”
Bullpen Scrolls 6:66
“And they waited in the pen, warming their arms with quiet reverence, for the call that may never come, yet always might.”
Eloy to the Bulls 1:22
“He came down from the big leagues for but a season, and smote the baseball with righteous fury.”
Gospel According to the Snorting Bull 5:25
“Thou shalt not doubt the might of Triple-A, for even here are the cracks where greatness grows.”
Lakewood Psalms 9:1
“Let every soul give thanks for postgame fireworks and soft-serve in mini helmets.”
Hallowed Hillside 3:16
“For the hill beyond left field is steep, and the lawn chairs many, and the sunscreen seldom sufficient.”
Book of the Tobacco Leaves 8:18
“He spit upon the ground and adjusted his gloves, and the vendors called unto the stands: ‘Cold beer! Peanuts!’”
Letters to the Durhamites 2:12
“Stand firm in the seventh inning, and clap thy hands in rhythm, though ye know not the reason why.”